The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
