He had one of those small greek statue penises
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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