Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
