Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
