the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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