i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize