she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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