I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
