The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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