addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
