Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
