Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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