Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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