Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
