Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
