Whod you bang
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
