i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
