why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
