is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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