Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
