I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
