Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
