he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
