i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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