I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
