Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
