3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
