fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
