True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize