Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
