my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
