Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
