Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
