So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
