All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
