The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
