Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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