I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
