last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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