I forgot how hot balto sounded
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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