I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
