I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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