no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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