woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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