I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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