Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
