Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
