Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
