New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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