what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
