did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
