we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
