Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
