I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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