I can tuck mytits in my pants
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
