I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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