Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
