I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
