Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
