Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
