So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
