Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
