I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
