I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
