I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
