My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
