I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
