yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize