You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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