On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
