Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
