no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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