one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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