Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
