I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
